Landlord Tips Opinion

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

David Rutland
Written by David Rutland

This Festive season, landlords need to embrace their inner Scrooge. Go on – treat yourself, Ebenezer.

It’s that time of the year again, Ho hum. From the beginning of December through to January 6th, landlords can’t simply get on with their business, and are forced to plaster on a happy face and struggle through to after epiphany, when things return to normal.

Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. It’s guaranteed, and landlords will be blamed for everything.

Let’s start with the weather. It’s cold outside, it’s probably going to snow at some point (if it hasn’t already, and there’s a better than even chance that the UK will be hit by an Atlantic hurricane. Not great, especially when you have midnight calls to fix the central heating system, lest little Abcde catches a chill. Good luck calling out a heating engineer over Christmas.

Bear in mind that if you fail to have the oven fixed after your tenant blows the filaments after stuffing a 20 kilo turkey into it, her mascara-streaked face will be on the front page of your local weekly rag alongside the story of how you ruined Christmas.

You monster.

Don’t even think about pressing your tenants for the rent that they owe. They’re going to be late this month (again), because Christmas is so expensive, and Xanthippe’s getting a Harry Potter Hogwarts Express lego set, Persephone really needs a Poopsies Surprise Unicorn (which really poops!), and little Khaleesi is just obsessed with Fortnite.

Ask for what they owe you, and before you can blink there will be a crowdfunding page set up to help them ‘save’ Christmas after the hateful landlord ruined everything.

It’s almost as if the public expects landlords to put aside their own financial interests, buy a goose for the Cratchit family, and give Tiny Tim a piggy back ride to the nearest children’s hospital. If you act in a way that may possibly indicate that you actually have a business you need to look after, then you’re spoiling the story.

But Christmas isn’t about peace and goodwill to all men. It never has been. Christmas is a marketing scam to boost the chinese economy by persuading parents to buy mass produced crap for their offspring for hundreds of times its actual worth. People delude themselves. They persuade themselves that because it’s snowing outside and there’s a sparkly tree in the living room, that the usual rules don’t apply. Anything which gets in the way of the goodwill to all men narrative is to be vilified and scorned, because It’s not in the Christmas spirit.

We don’t know how many Section 21 notices are issued over the Christmas period, but we’re willing to bet that there are significantly fewer than at any other time of year. Landlords, like everyone else, have fallen victim to the belief that Christmas is sacrosanct. It’s too important to interfere with, and to spoil it for someone else is to sink to depths never before plumbed by even the worst human beings. Even Jeffrey Dahmer, the notorious serial killer and cannibal, used to embrace the Christmas spirit by sending cards from his cell.

There are a number of sites (which we won’t link to) suggesting that landlords and tenants send each other Christmas cards and offer mince pies in honour of the season.

Humbug to that!

Send them a Section 21 notice, and offer them a rent increase.

About the author

David Rutland

David Rutland

With a decades long career as a professional writer, David Rutland has worked as a journalist on local, national, and international newspapers, before embarking as a career as a freelancer.

He has ghostwritten several books, as well as producing travel guides, manuals, humour articles, and more internet blogs than you can shake a stick at.

David maintains offices in East London, but spends most of his time in a shed near Liverpool, where he writes, as well as developing apps for Android.

What people say about him:

Arrogant and abrasive - Alan Davis, Editor in Chief North Wales News Group

An absolute liability - Matt Simms, Editor, Vale advertiser

Are you sure this won't get us all arrested? - Mohana Prabhakar, Editor in Chief, Apex News Group

Go and have a shave. You're all prickly - Mrs Donna Rutland.

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